Gold Diggers
DP’s Gift Guide for Swans
If her only fault is that she’s too perfect . . . here are some gift ideas for her.
They stepped off the Gulfstream and swanned right into your life—whoever your own personal Babe, Slim, or C.Z. may be.
Some of us are lucky enough to know one in real life. But most of us are simply lucky enough to know a swan-in-the-making, who has been richly inspired by the aesthetic, scandalous, perfectly outfitted, 1970s story of Upper East Side society and betrayal known as Feud: Capote vs. the Swans.
In honor of the show’s forthcoming finale, we put together a gift guide inspired by the swans’ lives, both out at lunch and behind closed doors. From an embossed gold bar (ideally for casual use as a paper weight) to a feather-trimmed ivory silk cape or, better yet, a blank check they can take into Dr. Diamond’s office—these are the gifts befitting a swan.
Some have sentimental trinkets on their desk; swans have gold bars. This one—from Walmart!—is embossed, appropriately, with the image of Lady Fortuna. From $2,237
Slide their new personalized Smythson notebook across the table and tell them it’s for keeping a list of everyone who’s crossed them. (Or they can do as Babe did and use it for their own little life improvements.) From $160
To make their homage to the swans complete, they need the OG Swan fragrance: Joy by Jean Patou. From $259. (As well as a classic pair of cat-eye sunglasses from Saint Laurent, the bigger the better. $960)
That post-divorce apartment isn’t going to decorate itself. Start with some hand painted wallpaper (from $500/panel) from Gracie Studio, a set of whimsical dinner plates from La Maison du Bac (from $1,335 for a set of six), a pair of handcrafted Spindle Back Nickey Kehoe chairs ($5,800 each), and some Julia B. custom bedding ($300 per sham). Skip the monogram for now; who knows what their last name will be in a year?
But what about the kids? They’ll be fine, outfitted with the services of elite “personalized and white-glove” college counseling firm, Command Education (price based on a private consultation, published rate is $120,000/year) and a 15-hour college tour, powered by a Magellan private jet (price upon request, published rates begin at $111,375).
Modern-day swans want to make sure they’re in perfect health, requiring more than just an annual check-up. Elitra’s Executive Physical takes about five to six hours and gets them a full-body CT scan, a nutritional lifestyle assessment, a cardio-vascular evaluation, and then some. From $5,000
For who aren’t as into Western medicine, there’s the Panchakarma retreat by Surya Spa, which is an up-to-28-day immersive series of Ayurvedic treatments that run between 3.5 to 4 hours per day and include a dosha balancing lunch. From $2,910
If they’re not at the spa, they’re on the slopes. What better way to arrive at apres-ski, than in this Perfect Moment ski suit which nails the modern retro aesthetic. $990
For those who see the sidewalk as a catwalk, there’s no better topper than Gabriela Hearst’s feather-trimmed ivory silk cape. We’re not really sure why capes went out of style in the first place. $5,750
Whoever said a philandering husband should apologize with flowers? He can’t come home with anything less than this 5.00 carat handcrafted cocktail ring. From $11,029.
The apology was insufficient? Nancy Chemtob, society divorce lawyer is waiting for their call.
When they start to vaguely say they’ll be out of town for three to six weeks, you’ll know it’s because they’ve been to see Dr. Diamond or Dr. Jacono. Considering their prices can climb up near $200,000, you may want to call ahead and ask if they do gift cards. Or at least pick up lunch.
And then subtly gift them a box of miracle-working goop overnight peel pads, so they can pretend that that’s their skincare secret. $125
All prices were correct at time of publication.
Hero photo by Yevgen Romanenko/Getty images
