Dear Harry,

You clearly feel the need to share your side of the story but here’s the thing—and we say this kindly, as we would to a friend—you’ve done it with enough frequency to fill several palace libraries. And going on the BBC to air your grievances is simply not helping your cause.

It’s got to stop.

Each heartfelt plea for family reconciliation broadcast to millions effectively ensures said reconciliation remains firmly in the realm of fantasy. It’s rather like shouting, “I wish we could have a quiet chat!” through a megaphone at a cricket match. The louder one calls for privacy, the more impossible it becomes to achieve.

Your father, bless him. The monarchy isn’t just his job; it’s his entire identity. When you speak publicly about private matters, it’s not just your dad who’s hearing it, it’s the King of England, with all the centuries of “never complain, never explain” ringing in his ears. 

And until this is resolved, the public finds itself in the uncomfortable position of unwitting witness to this royal family drama. Like awkward dinner guests during a marital spat, we stare into our metaphorical soup bowls and pretend not to notice.

Perhaps a little tactical silence might work wonders? Not forever, mind you—just long enough to create a tiny pocket of privacy where a father and son might manage a conversation that isn’t immediately dissected on Good Morning Britain.

Until such an arrangement can be negotiated, we face the prospect of this peculiar standoff continuing: a father who won’t speak until his son stops speaking, and a son who won’t stop speaking about why his father won’t speak to him.

Our advice: try something different. Six months without a single television appearance about royal matters.

There must be a way to correspond with your father from afar.

Tell him about Lilibet and Archie’s daily activities. About taking Archie fishing and finding flowers with Lilibet. Every grandpa loves that kind of thing, and we are sure King Charles is no different. Many a family rift has been mended through the children. Tell him about life in California—he’ll love hearing about the environmental stuff. He’s the original Green Warrior. He could totally hang with the vegans and I’m sure would adore extensive reports on the power of sound baths.

Give your father the space to reach out without it looking like surrender. Sometimes in families—even royal ones—someone needs to be brave enough to stop talking and start listening.

Surely the King would speak to you again—if only you’d refrain from speaking to everyone else first. Just—please!—don’t use Signal.