Hey. . . Get A Room!

See And Be Seen

The Standard on the High Line is the place for exhibitionists, already famous for people practically performing porn in front of their huge windows. If you’re not familiar with “boom boom”, a euphemism for making love, you’re likely unaware of the Boom Boom room at the hotel. Located on the 18th floor, with spectacular vistas of the Hudson and High Line, it’s a happening hang for people watching.

Join the Sky High Club 

You’ve always wanted to join the Mile High Club, but never had the opportunity (or the contortionist capabilities) to have sex in a tiny stall at 32,000 feet? Now’s your chance to join the Sky High Club instead.

Consider these skyscraping choices: NYC’s tallest hotel, the 68-story Residence Inn on Broadway with views over Central Park, or the iconic, 47-floor landmark Waldorf Astoria.

For the Love of Money 

If the scent of currency gives you a lift, then get down to business in the epicenter of capitalism, the Financial District (FiDi). Cover the bed with cash, like that scene from Indecent Proposal in which billionaire Robert Redford offers $1 million to Woody Harrelson for one night with his wife, Demi Moore.

Your hotels of choice: the Four Seasons Hotel, featuring a fine-looking swimming pool; The Wall Street Hotel, with complimentary bikes to zip around town; or The Beekman, where you don’t even have to leave the grounds for dinner because celebrity chefs Tom Colicchio and Daniel Boulud operate eateries in the hotel.

Doggie Style

Get your mind out of the gutter. (And ok, get back into it.) If you’re off for a night on the town but someone has separation anxiety, there’s no need to leave your best friend behind. Check out the stylish digs at the Soho Grand Hotel, owned by the Hartz Mountain dog food people.

The hotel boasts Great Dane statues, onsite treats, and its own private dog park. And the posh velvet bar is not just dog-welcoming, but almost dog-mandatory. Spotted recently: two women deep in conversation, with one’s Mini Pinscher curled up next to her friend’s Newfoundland.

Missionary Man

Adventurous sex isn’t your thing? More of a Warren Buffet than a Warren Beatty? No judgment! How about a stay at a reliably safe, old-school, midtown hotel? Two classics we’d recommend are the St. Regis, with its famed King Cole bar featuring Maxfield Parrish’s masterpiece mural or, just across Fifth Avenue, the glamorous Peninsula, with its own spa and chic rooftop bar/terrace.

“B.K.” Love

When you want to cheat on Manhattan, let these three “Billyburg” hotels seduce you. The Wythe Hotel, Williamsburg’s first luxury hotel, opened in 2012. The Hoxton, like its sibling in London’s Shoreditch, is cool for twenty-somethings. The William Vale has a 60-foot pool and a rooftop bar with views. As a fan of the 1 Hotel brand, the Brooklyn Heights property on the waterfront offers a sweeping Manhattan cityscape, plus a spa and rooftop pool.

Let your Freak Flag Fly

I’m saddened to report that the Liberty Inn, in the aptly named Meatpacking District, closed this year after 40 years of its hourly rates, hot tubs, mood lighting, mirrored ceilings, erotic art, porn collection, and condom-stocked vending machines.

It’s impossible to replicate this oasis of sleaze, but for the sexually adventurous, try Kew Motor Inn, home of “The Most Exotic Rooms in Queens.” Choices include the Mirror Room, the Love Nest, the Safari Room, and the Fantasia Room with in-room spa.

Say Hi To Sid and Nancy’s Ghosts 

For the rock ‘n’ roll rebel—or someone who wants to feel like one for a few hours—check into the Hotel Chelsea, self-described as “solid and sumptuous, eccentric yet beautiful, a world unto itself: a decadent palace of peculiarity,” where bohemian luminaries like William Burroughs, Jackson Pollock and Sid Vicious lived—and sometimes died.

Start by catching a buzz on brandy-spiked sangria at El Quijote downstairs. Then dress in leather, turn on hard rock tunes, smoke weed, and get shagging.

New Year’s With a Bang

Two Times Square hotels are offering “the ultimate New Year’s Eve adventure.” The M Social New York and The Knickerbocker are promoting special New Year’s packages with direct views of the ball drop and other festive features. See if you can simultaneously hold out until the clock strikes midnight.

For Makeup Sex

What have you done? It’s bad, isn’t it? So this time, put off the sex. Buy something sparkly and fabulous from a Fifth Avenue jewelers and then head to the iconic Plaza where you can consummate your romance with some post-diamond afternoon delight.

Now get a room!